Moving abroad with your family?
Common Issues in Mixed Marriages
It always makes sense to find out as much as possible about your partner鈥檚 family but it makes special sense to do so in mixed marriages 鈥 especially concerning the culture and its traditional family structures.
鈥淚n Canada, the extended family isn鈥檛 all that significant,鈥 Liz 鈥 who鈥檚 married to an Indian guy 鈥 explains. 鈥淚 mean, I see some of my family members maybe once a year, if that. Here in Jaipur, family is more important. My husband鈥檚 parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and their in-laws are a fairly tight-knit bunch. Sometimes, I find this rather exhausting.鈥
However, Liz was able to see the positive side of her mixed marriage as well. She became close friends with Rajesh鈥檚 cousin Sumita (30), who helps her navigate a foreign culture and has become far more than a replacement for the friends Liz left behind in Ontario.
Marriage and Religion
Partners in mixed marriages may be supportive of each other鈥檚 religious beliefs but still often run into unexpected issues. Differences in the way people in these marriages celebrate certain holidays or have dietary restrictions are to be expected. However, other problems may arise, which have a much bigger impact on the partners in mixed marriages.
Hans (42) always had a hard time understanding people with strong religious views. However, his personal situation became even more complex when he met his future wife.
鈥淚鈥檓 a German expat who was sort of raised as a Lutheran-Protestant, but I became an atheist in my teens. Ruba鈥檚 from Amman, in Jordan, and a practicing Muslim,鈥 Hans says.
鈥淲e often clash over specific issues, like food. It drives me crazy that she doesn鈥檛 even let me cook pork. I think our arguments have gotten worse since the birth of our daughter. We weren鈥檛 sure how to raise our kid. Whose traditions do we pass on?鈥
Parenting in Mixed Marriages
Mixed marriages often face additional struggles and challenges in the field of parenting. Raising a child always leads to conflicts if the parents are not on the same page. For parents in mixed marriages, like Hans and his wife, these conflicts often multiply.
鈥淢y friends here do not struggle as much as we do. But then again, they don鈥檛 have to synchronize two different sets of cultural and religious backgrounds,鈥 Hans concedes. The involvement of extended family members in the child-rearing process, behavioral expectations, and the question of what is considered appropriate frequently cause heated discussions between Hans and Ruba.
鈥淚nterestingly enough, we have always found a compromise so far. Despite our different outlooks, it helps us to know that we both want the best for our child. It鈥檚 not easy, but we have some common ground in that. For example, I agreed that Eman should be raised as a Muslim because her faith is very important to my wife. But I didn鈥檛 want her grandparents to have too much of a say. For me, child-rearing is the parents鈥 responsibility 鈥 and only theirs.鈥
Your Partner鈥檚 Personality
As in any relationship or marriage, both partners have to be flexible and open-minded when facing unexpected arguments and issues. 鈥淚n mixed marriages, arguments may come up more often because of the different cultural backgrounds,鈥 Ruba says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 just a lot more challenging.鈥
For instance, one partner鈥檚 prevalent social attitudes and common prejudices may begin to show more openly one day. 鈥淲hen this happens, all you can do is to maintain a good-natured attitude and have lots of patience,鈥 Hans adds.
